THE AXE MURDERS OF VILLISCA (2016) [Joe's Review]

The Axe Murders of Villisca is a very high-school horror movie. Nothing makes sense, everyone is upset, people are themselves one minute and someone else the next, and the sex is all wrong.

THE AXE MURDERS OF VILLISCA (2016) [Paul's Review]

I watched “The Axe Murders of Villisca” with my Gay Friend.  Many of my friends are gay, but only one specifically requested, nay, demanded that he go by “Gay Friend”—“capitalized, ok?” he insisted—for this review.  I just wanted to get that out of the way at the beginning, since I need you all to know that I don’t go around referring to my friends as “here’s my Gay Friend,” and “this one is my Straight Friend, and over here we’ve got my Millennial Friend, my Vegan Friend, my Republican Friend, my Imaginary Friend, my Feline Friend, etc. etc.  Most of my friends are just friends, except for my cats, which are just cats (calling an 8 pound thing that regularly draws blood from you a “friend” doesn’t seem right, unless it’s an infant vampire who always remembers your birthday).

ANYWAYS.  When Gay Friend thought it might be fun to watch the next Rock, Paper, Hatchet movie with me, I said something like “sure, but it’s probably going to suck.”  And I was worried, because the next movie was called “The Axe Murders of Villisca” and an unpronounceable title does not a shining first impression make.  And if it sucked, then Gay Friend would become the Gay Friend Who Won’t Watch Another Horror Movie With Me Again.  But those fears were unfounded!  Because I’m here to tell you that “The Axe Murders of Villisca” is way easier to pronounce than it looks, and that it’s way better to watch than to pronounce!