December Wrap!

Started from the bottom now we're here.

"Here" being ONE MONTH OF NETFLIX HORROR VIEWED and REVIEWED.  Woot.

It was touch-and-go there for a little while.  There was the question about what to call the blog, and though there were many contenders, "Rock, Paper, Hatchet" got the nod by squatter's rights.  You know when you slot something in thinking "I'll come back and fix it later"?  That was "Rock, Paper, Hatchet"--a placeholder that just refused to give up its place.  It's the manspreader of blog titles!

Oh, and it helped that "Crossing the Streams" was already taken.  Wouldn't that have been perfect?  But nope, crossingthestreams.blogspot.com is already an exciting Ghostbusters blog.  There's no content up yet, but we expect great things.  Stay-puft conspiracy theories, Venkman fanfic, the possibilities! Still, I can't help but think that this is for the best.  "Rock, Paper, Hatchet" is accessible, punchy, and just right, you know?  Plus, there's also no urinary innuendo.

So, we've got our blog, and we've got stuff in it.  This is a win, people.  Last month, we had no blog and no stuff.

And since we've watched four films this month, it is only right and natural that we name winners and losers.  Here are Joe's rankings (with links to his reviews):

1) Bound to Vengeance - This revenge thriller gets off to a rough start, muddles through on a good performance from Tina Ivlev, and hits its stride in the last act with some decent payback. You're not bound to hate it.

2) Last Shift - The premise seems strong, but as the film unfolds, you realize someone thought it was a good idea to have a rookie cop guard the police station where her father's murderers committed suicide on the one-year anniversary of the crime. 

3) The Chosen - In The Chosen, the hero has to murder his whole family to save his niece from the devil. With heroes like him, who needs villains? 

4) Pod - SPOILER ALERT - There is no pod. Or acting. Or second takes. So if you want to make fun of a bad horror movie, this is the best of the worst.

And Paul's (with links to his reviews):

1)  Last Shift - The scariest of the four.  Its ghostly redneck farmers know how to hoedown to the showdown.

2)  Bound to Vengeance - It has its moments, but never quite clears the suspension of disbelief hurdle for me.  It's sort of like listening to a drunk friend talk about their troubles when you're cold sober: it's not funny; it's not convincing; but it can be entertaining in a reckless, careening, make-it-up-as-you-go along sort of way.

3)  The Chosen - Almost a comedy.  Would have been better as a comedy.  Or maybe as an anti-smoking commercial (anyone see these smoke-monster PSAs lately?  The ones where someone lights a cigarette while being attacked by an ulcerous facehugger smoke creature?  Jeesh, and I thought D.A.R.E. was blunt.)

4)  Pod - The screechiest of the four.  It's like having someone grind your soul with a power sander made of broken glass and rusty barbed wire.

Instant Analysis:

Only one month and we've already got disagreement.  We are crossing the streams!  Paul's got Last Shift in the top spot, but Joe goes with Bound to Vengeance.  How will we decide which of these gets nominated for our end of year best-in-show honors?  (That's something we might do, if we make it to the end of the year).  How about you decide.  So . . .

Vote for Last Shift or Bound to Vengeance in the comments!  Winner advances!  Loser must join The Chosen and Pod in the parlor of perdition to think about what they've done.

Postmortem Q&A: BOUND TO VENGEANCE (2015)

Here we answer the questions raised in the reviews.  Missed the reviews?  Read them first!
Bound to Vengeance (2015) [Paul's Take]
Bound to Vengeance (2015) [Joe's Take]

Paul answers Joe's questions:

JD:  So, she shoots those two guys at the house, and after she shoots the second one, you see someone beginning to come in the door, who then turns and runs away. Who the hell was that guy?

PH: That guy will obviously be key to “Bound to Vengeance 2:  Good Eve-ning Gentlemen.”  Because her name is Eve, get it?  I'm sorry, that's awful.  I'll see myself out.

JD:  Was the creepy boyfriend like on a date with both sisters at the beginning? What was going on there?

PH:  I guess if filming someone while asking them sketcho questions like, “What do you want to say to our future child?” and “Why don’t you make out with your sister?” is a date, then sure, they were all on a date together!  Riddle me this though [spoiler ahead, I suppose]: if the two sisters were kidnapped at some point during this “date,” then wouldn’t Eve have remembered that the boyfriend who kidnapped them was, like, somehow involved in the ensuing sex slavery?  Or was the first part of the date so much fun that she was willing to overlook the unfortunate last bit?

Review: BOUND TO VENGEANCE (2015) [Joe’s Take]

The Premise

The premise is creative! In most movies, the woman escaping from the rapist maniac would be the end of the movie, but in Bound to Vengeance it’s the beginning! And not only does she escape, but she beats him senseless with a brick, shackles him, and constructs an incredibly effective animal control pole out of like a lamp and a phone cord that she uses to control the rapist while attempting to free his other victims.

Review: BOUND TO VENGEANCE (2015) [Paul's Take]

Halfway through “Bound to Vengeance,” one recently escaped kidnap victim says to the other regarding just the latest in a long line of plans that don’t involve them casually trotting down to the police station, their homes, or even to a Denny’s:  “This is a bad idea.”  And you know what?  She’s right!  They have escaped their hellish sex slavery prisons, they’ve got a running van, they are in the center of a city that might be Los Angeles, and there is literally no traffic between them and anywhere they want to go.  The other victim, our protagonist, shakes her head and responds grimly:  “This whole night has been a bad fucking idea.”